Bake my day

As I await the next steps after my mastectomy I am reduced to doing nothing. I got bored connecting dots so I parked it for later.  Now, Alia and I will again attempt to bake. 

The first time we made bread, I unknowingly killed the yeast! I subjected it to too much heat and so after four hours the dough did not rise. Sucks!  But we still chose to put it in the oven and yeah we ended up with such a dense bread that you can maim somebody with it.  Learning from the "yeast homicide" experience the second batch we made turned up quite good.  Thank God!

We also made pandesal,  a local bread favourite which literally means bread of salt in Spanish. But our oven was relatively small for the amount of the dough that we had to do it in batches. It took quite some time for it to get done.  We were supposed to eat it as an afternoon snack but we had it for dinner instead.  And to tell you frankly, it wasn't as good as what my parents were making when we had a bakery then. Haisst!

Third try which was most successful in our failed career as bakers are the garlic bread sticks.  It was easy to do, looked like decent garlic bread sticks. It was so good that it lasted shorter than the amount of time we spent baking it. We were eating the first batch before the second one was done! Hehe.

We have not started episode four of the baking saga though.  This time we will create a Sweet Potato Cinnamon Coffee bread inspired by the Paleo diet (non-grain, non-dairy, gluten free).  We are still looking for some key ingredients thus the delay.  A bold decision from non-pro bakers but hey what have we to lose?  My ego has been trampled on the first time I killed the yeast.

An Impatient patient

Patience. Sadly.. I don't have it.

I have always been so eager to do everything at once. I think I have the attention span of a 5 year old kid.  Doing the same thing over and over again bores me to death.

Ironically though such weaknessss of mine has helped me to be productive. I usually start something else when there seems to be slow progress in what I am currently in to. So middle of the day I have 4 or more things going on and it can even double by close of business day. I don't mind though. The more I have in my plate the more energized I become.  Yeah yeah am a workaholic (there you go!).

Unfortunately, the most recent events have forced me to slow things down. Being on leave from work for 2 weeks and 2 days has left me in a state of boredom. And this plastic tube and drain attached to my chest is not helping at all. Aargh!

Much worse...my boss J sent a whatsapp message again reminding me to stay away from emailing. Aargh aarrgh!!

Being almost catatonic at home is sucking the energy off me.  I am running out of closets to organize. Have given away most of my stuff.

I cannot wait to be on the go again. Patience is indeed a virtue and as I've said -sadly I don't have it. Not just yet. Aargh aargh aargh!

Vantage point

First message that I saw when I woke up is a note from a fellow Supply Chain practitioner. He thanked me for my insights and comments on the article that he posted in LinkedIn.

It is quite inspiring to know that even though I did not completely agree with his points he still appreciated my inputs and even shared that he liked my perspective on a particular topic.

If only we can approach things with the notion that each one of us have different ways of looking at a situation then instead of arguments it will be robust conversations.  Instead of bruised egos it will be inspired thinking and constant learning.

What's your point of view?
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Life goals

My sister with her 14 year old daughter came over to sort through the clothes and shoes that I've decided to handover. As my niece was trying on some dresses, a sense of nostalgia swept over us as we remember how svelte we were 20 pounds ago. Hehe.

Two piles were formed after the sorting.ritual. Pile number one are those that are readily wearable. Pile number two however were classified as "life goals". Yep! The clothes that you think will fit you once you give up some (or all) of your food and beverage binging. With a little (read as -a lot!) exercise and good amount of sleep. Haisst!  Easier said than done.

But then that's how life goes. We lose and we gain.  We fight but there are circumstances when we surrender for something that's better. We give more than we take as the sense of fulfillment is much greater. And we live to do good so that we can peacefully perish.

Nowadays, what I want to do are less complicated. I take things one day at a time. Cleaned my closet of unused clothes and shoes. Organized my things. I am learning how to draw by connecting the dots! Brushing up on my writing. Catching up on my reading. Things that I have not done for a long while as I have been traveling and working most of the time.

Funny how things play out just so that I may have simpler but equally enjoyable Life Goals.  😊

(Dis)Connecting the dots

Forgot to charge my phone before I slept and so I woke up with the thing quite dead. Charged it immediately and when I turned it on the first message I got is from my uber caring boss J.

He asked how am I doing after my mastectomy as it has been three days since the procedure. He also reminded me of his number one directive before I took my medical leave... "Are you able to disconnect?"  He wants me to focus on myself and in getting better and there is no other way he says but for me to disconnect from work, thus his kinda weird question. 

See I have this fomo (fear of missing out) and it has fueled me all my working life to be always on top of things.  It has worked to my advantage but yeah not so much to others nor to my team. I bet they're relieved of  not receiving so many emails, lync calls or chats from me. Hehe.

As I've been on leave from work for a week and I am so damn bored. I organized my home office yesterday and threw away a lot of stuff.  And in between rests ... (you guessed it right!) I checked my email to know what's going on in the workspace! 😉

But no and yes I was able to restrain myself! Just sent some requests to HR for my medical expense reimbursements, leave pay, etc. Other than that I was careful not to join the conversations. It took some effort but am getting there (believe me!). 

Ironically today in order for me to "disconnect" I did a lot of connecting. Don't shake your head in dismay yet...  With the help of my daughter Alia we completed a connect 1000 dots artwork of Alfred Hitchcock's portrait.  Loved the outcome! (see finished product below). 

One portrait down 19 to go.  Cool.

Lazarus pit

I just finished season 4 of Arrow. Yup! Got caught (rather late) by the craze of said series. Must admit before - I found it more weepy  than the Flash but now I like them both. The series helped me endure through my own "life drama" while I was confined at the hospital.

Been diagnosed with stage 2 cancer. Had a tumor in my left breast so I had to undergo total mastectomy. And yeah it feels like I've just been dipped in the Lazarus pit.  In case you're not getting the connection, the series used the pit to resurrect people but the catch is that once you get out alive you'll not be the same person. Thus the reference.

Now out from the "pit", I feel like a cyborg.   I have a plastic tube running down my side. At the end of the tube is a grenade-shaped catch that collects the fluids from my removed left breast. Have to drain and monitor level of fluid every 4 hours. It's kinda icky but it keeps me busy. I have to present the record to my doctor when I get to see her in 4 days time.  I don't think it's that important though. Most probably she asked me to do it just so I have something to put my mind into.

Am I the same person then? I do not know. A lot of uncertainty still. But what I know is that I am bored and I want to do something that will get me out of this rut. My former boss advised  that I again pursue my writing and my former subordinate, now confidant and friend reminded me of this blog. Agreed with them totally. Writing has always been my therapy.

So am back. sha sha.

Hindi pwede

I found a really neat cellphone unit that is so senior citizen friendly and so cheap. I wanted to buy it for my mom so that it will be easier for her to send text messages but I was met with a lot of "hindi pwede" from the seller that I was forced not to buy it. Here is a piece of our conversation:

Me: Ah miss, can I see upclose that unit with the big keypads?

The lady took out the phone from their glass display case and gave it to me.

Me: Can we have it tested please?

Saleslady: Sorry po mam pero hindi pwede, hindi po kami nagde-demo kung hindi ninyo bibilhin.

With much brooding, I said ok because I was thinking that if there will be problems with the unit I can have it replaced anyway.

Me: Ok I will buy it na nga lang. Do you accept a debit card because I do not have cash here?

Saleslady: Ay mam hindi pwede ang debit card.


Me: Huh bakit? It is as good as cash di ba?

Saleslady: Kasi po hindi pwede yung verifier namin, pang credit card lang po ito.

Me: So pwede ko palang gamitin yung credit card ko?

Saleslady: Hindi po pwede and credit card kasi ina-allow lang namin ang card kapag 3,000 thousand ang value ng unit and up. Eh 2,990 po ang halaga nung cel phone na gusto ninyo.

Parang gusto kong ipa-charge na lang tuloy ng 3K yung unit pero nawalan na ko ng gana sa dami ng hindi pwede. So I just decided to not pursue.

Me: Ah ganun ba? Sige wag na lang. Thank you.

Lesson of the day, "Pag sinabing hindi pwede... HINDI PWEDE!"

Sabi ko nga.